It’s Friday. Or #friyay if you’re taking a staged photo for Instagram. You’ve had a long week and been ‘crushing’ it at work and the gym. What’s next? The pub, to celebrate the start of the 2 days where you’re not working a job you hate, to impress people you don’t like, to buy shit you don’t need. Yes, I stole that one from Fight Club. Remember the first rule.
You see, there is an art to surviving the Friday night drink club. One that those in the club have developed through years of experience, hard work and dedication…
#1 – The First Rule of Friday Night Drink Club
Never talk about Friday night drink and club on any other day apart from a #Friyay. No one is Friyay’ing on a Thursday. Keep your anticipation in check, your excitement down and no high fives. And no one wants to know about last Friday on Monday. What happens on #Friyay stays on…Actually, that’s a complete lie. Tell everyone because it’ll come out eventually anyway!
#2 – Do not be first
The bar looks like a herd of wildebeast have just descended upon a watering hole and they’re all thirsty. Everyone you know and even those you don’t, like Dave from IT, are requesting beers from you at the bar. You can’t say no…Don’t be there.
#3 – The soda water slip
When it’s your round and you’ve had a few drinks, innocently suggest a move away from beer to spirits and mixers. The group agree and back you come with refreshing round of vodka, soda and limes, rum and cokes and a beer for Dave in IT. All doubles of course. Apart from your one, which is just soda and lime. Boom. Next stop, rehydration central with change in your pocket.
#4 – Don’t get shot
You’re a few rounds in and people are riding a #Friyay high of alcohol and weekend plans. Then the shots come raining in. What should we get, sambuca or tequila? If you’re really keen on saving your Saturday, offer to buy the shots and change yours for water…I know, it’s pretty sneaky but you didn’t want a shot anyway and you bought them. That’s justified in my opinion.
#5 – Know your escape route
You leave work at 6pm and you start drinking straight away. By 9pm it’s still light and you’re already many rounds in. There is still time to make a quick exit. The people around you are drunk off the shots so you can leave without having to make too much of a scene. Make a phone call and start walking…Never look back. Job done.
#6 – Upgrade your meeting with Doner
You’ve had no dinner and it’s time to get some food. The strategically placed McDonalds, Burger King and kebab house all have their unique appeal. Which do you choose. Kebab is the correct answer, Sir. It’s here where you can limit the damage to your 6-pack in progress and weekend.
The doner can be most appealing, with its fatty meat mixed up with sauce and salad. I know, it sounds good. But you must be strong. Upgrade your kebab. The chicken or lamb shish is the wise person’s choice. And just in case you didn’t know, you are the wise one.
Pro Tip: Instead of sauce ask for hummus and extra salad without a pitta. And buy 1 bottle of water. Your brain and body will thank you for it.
#7 – The long walk home
It can be tempting to get an Uber. But the walk home can be interesting and helpful. Interesting because you get to see drunk people of the night stumbling home and helpful because it’ll sober you up and give you time to digest your food and drink your water.
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