I know it’s not your fault, but you gotta fix it…”

Research has shown that sharing your goals not only makes you more accountable, but it helps fill a need for social connection (a recent weight loss survey quantified the impact as the difference between losing an average 0.3lbs or 1.2lbs a week!).

It is therefore no surprise that organisations from weight-watchers to alcoholics anonymous rely on the strength of weekly catch-ups and group dynamics to both offer support to their members and engender a feeling of ‘accountability’.

Is Jane’s story familiar to you?

Jane came home from work stressed. She’d had another bad day and had bought a bottle of wine on her way home to de-stress with dinner.

It’s my boss. She treats me like dirt, never listens and hates me. It’s her fault that I’m feeling this way”. Jane says to her understanding house mate while pouring her 2nd glass of red wine.

She continues “If only I had a different job or boss everything would be ok.”

What would you say to Jane in this situation?

The harsh reality…

The harsh reality is that it’s not Jane’s boss’ fault that Jane is feeling this way. Only Jane can decide how she feels.

Imagine if you put a load of your friends on a roller coaster. You’re very likely to see different reactions to the same situation. Some will be scared, others will be excited. The situation is the same, but the reaction is different.

You are in control of your reactions

So it’s not the situation but ourselves who control our reaction, based on ideas, upbringing, previous experiences, personality and a whole load of other factors. Some within our control and some outside of it.

If you had a traumatic childhood, that wasn’t your fault. You can’t change it either, unfortunately, but you can work towards how you handle it later in life.

You have to own a problem in order to change it. If you deny that it exists or that it’s your responsibility, you lose all power and control. If you are not in control, you are powerless.

Accept it as soon as possible and move forward

It’s almost irrelevant whose fault it was, you are where you are and you are the only person who can change it so the sooner you accept it the sooner you can move on.

So, where are you at? Are you taking responsibility for your actions? Whose fault is it that you’re not happy with your body shape?

I don’t want it to sound harsh but sometimes the truth is hard to accept. I promise you though, that until you take responsibility for yourself and the situation you are in it will be almost impossible to move forward to where you want to be.


  • Are you prepared to take responsibility for your actions?

  • How do you deal with stress and issues which seem outside of your control?

  • What problems are you not owning and therefore not handling?

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